Miles and Miles I Sea

Roller coaster ride.

Last week, I had the opportunity to attend what we call a TGPS class here on base. It stands for Transition Goals Plans Success, and basically it's a week long class about veteran's benefits and transitioning out of the military. For two days we discuss VA benefits, and for the other three days we have an interactive workshop with the Department of Labor regarding information about writing resumes, interviewing, and how to dress like a civilian since we're all used to having our outfits already picked out for us. After day one and two, I still felt like I had my life together. It wasn't until after class on Day 3 that I felt like I was in no way ready for the civilian work world. I was crying over a resume and stuffing ice cream in my mouth left and right. I mean, how did I go from on top of the world to crying into my ice cream less than 24 hours later? Sometimes we let the simplest of things overwhelm us. Maybe it's part of wanting everything to be perfect...I'm not sure, but I know this, it will all work out, even if it's not how you originally planned. 

During the week of the workshop, I had to completely rewrite my resume. I was mad of course, but after thinking through it and taking into account the advice our instructor had given me, I realized that she was right. For what I was gearing my resume toward, I needed a different format and some different information regarding what I bring to the table. In the end, I fixed it, showed to our instructor, and she was impressed. I was expecting a "You need to fix this, etc.," but instead, she was pleased which in turn made me proud of the work I completed. I would use this new resume to apply for a job, and that was the goal of this workshop. Life is going to change soon, and as much as I didn't want to change my resume or listen to this lady ramble on for 8 hours a day, it was well worth it for my future. Sometimes other people are right, and sometimes it's in our best interest to listen to them.

I'm officially done with the transition class (thank the good Lord), and I am back in the throw of college papers and homework discussions. It's always a bit overwhelming, but I'm so close to being done that I push through anyways. Well, push through AKA procrastinate. Haha. That's what I've been up to today. I've done everything else except start my paper that is due next week. I had a fight with the elliptical, ran a few errands, and did my laundry. I'm a fantastic procrastinator. If only I got paid to do it. If only I had a dollar for every time that came out of my mouth.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I spent mine in my favorite town (Abingdon, VA) with my favorite guy. We biked 17 miles on Saturday, and it was a lot of fun until mile 12 when my private parts decided they were done with that ish. We will definitely be back to bike the trail again, but maybe we'll pick a different part of the trail that is all downhill instead of rolling ones. This week is a short one thanks to the holiday on Monday, and I have Friday off. I'm heading back down south to watch some football and spend time with my love. I hope this week flies by, as fast as this month has. Can anyone else believe it's already almost September? I wish you all a happy and joy filled week. I pray that mine is too. Thanks for reading.

In the making.

I am never as happy as I am when I write, and I mean that. There's just something so therapeutic about my thoughts on paper. I really don't know why because then I'll have them forever and I'm a little scared to know what I'll be reading about myself when I'm 60. Ha! In all seriousness, I know I've been very absent lately, and when I do post, it's mostly about the same thing. Things in my life have been very ________. The word I had in mind was negative, but I feel it's not accurate. It's just me being emotional. Maybe by the end of this post I'll have a perfect positive fit.

My life has been a lot of the same these past few months. Don't get me wrong, I love this life of mine, but sometimes, I just wish it was a bit smoother than it has been. I've had to come to terms with a few things that I wish I could change, but the circumstances are not up to me. I've had things happen that I wish I could back to right now just to feel the way I did in that moment. I've traveled more and eaten way too much McDonalds. By that I mean, I drive thru about three times a week. I am happy. I really am. I just cry a lot because I'm emotional as f*!$. I get so overwhelmed at times, and because I haven't quite figured out that whole "speak what's in your heart" thing, I cry and then I write or I write and then I cry. It's a nice little pattern. I haven't posted a lot lately, but I have written a lot. You guys should see my draft list. *face palm* Honestly, some of them are very personal, and I'm always a bit hesitant to let things out that are as personal as what I've written. Maybe one day, I'll shock you all, and let it all out. I say that like I have a sex tape. (No, Mom, I don't.) Now I've cracked myself up. Goodness.

My life is good. As a girl from my hometown used to say, life is grand, and by golly she was right. It is damn grand, yet I sometimes forget to notice the grandness of this life of mine. Is it because I'm so stuck on what's next? I'm not sure, and I'm already on my second self help book to try and figure it out. Speaking of books, I've added to my bucket goal list this weekend. I'm going to write a book. I have no idea what it's going to be about or what the hell I'm supposed to do, but I want to do it, so I'm going to. Don't worry, this is at least a five year project, so no rush for picking up your copy anytime soon. I mean, I think Emily Morar has a nice author ring to it, don't you? *wink wink*

Things in my life have been very blessed. Even through all the issues that I've dealt with both personally and in the office, I'm still here. I'm still healthy, and I'm still moving forward to better things. At this point, that's all that matters. I will get where I am going. I always have, thanks to a God who has better plans than I do. I'm sure I'll cry a few** more times, but I'll also laugh and love and I'll keep moving forward. 

I always feel so much more positive after writing for a bit. If that's the case, just imagine what I'll be like when I finish writing a book...Ha! Thanks for reading today, friends. Happy Friday!

Looking a little deeper.

Are you like me and can never think of a caption to post with your photo on Instagram? You want it to be catchy and cute and maybe funny (or punny) I made a decision to post whatever came to mind first. It might be stupid, it might be sappy, or it might be sad, but it's mine. When I posted a selfie a few months ago, this was the very first thing to come to mind.

"I contemplated typing something deep, but I realize we don't often notice what's deep. We always look on the surface, even when we look at ourselves. I've learned in life that inner reflection is sometimes the hardest, but it's sometimes very needed." 

I look at the surface every single day. When I get up in the morning. When I can't get my eyebrows to look exactly right. Before I go to bed. What is so damn important about the surface? The surface hides what is below, and only those willing to break the tension will truly ever know the deepest depths. 

I keep a lot of myself hidden. Granted, with a blog and a social media presence, a lot of me is visible to the world, but there are things that can only be understood by having a relationship with me. A friendship. A personal relationship. Any kind of relationship. But even then, I don't reveal a lot of what I'm feeling inside to other people. I feel like if I say it out loud, no one will understand it, but then again how will I ever know if I don't let it go? Most of the time I don't want to hear what I or others have to say about myself. Let's be honest, we all have flaws, but nobody really wants them to be pointed out for analysis. Unfortunately, I am the worst critic of them all. It's hard for me to accept some things, but it's even harder for me to let them go. I'm definitely a work in progress on letting things go...

Some one said that the eyes are the window to the soul. A window that looks deep within...Maybe that's the problem with self reflection. It's too uncomfortable to know what's within a person. Maybe if we started doing more things in this world that were uncomfortable, we'd be able to do a little more good. Maybe if we stopped being scared to look a little deeper at ourselves, we'd be able to be a little more kind. 

I challenge you today to look deeper. At yourself. At a friend. At family. Try getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Thanks for reading.

Stuff and things.

Hi, friends. I'm still here, still alive, still whining because it's not December yet. Ha. It seems to me that the closer time gets to December, the harder this whole thing gets. I don't mean leaving the Navy. I'm so happy that my time will be over as this has always been a way to help me figure out what I wanted to do in life and get a bit of free college out of it too. I feel like I've written that sentence a billion of times. It's like, "Come on, Emma. Talk about something we haven't heard." I know, I know. That's not where I was going with my statement earlier anyways. It gets harder because the closer I get to moving home with my beau, the more anxious I get. It's a good anxious. It's one of the OMG HURRY THE HELL UP vibes. In all honesty, I hate feeling that way because I want to enjoy my time here, and I have (I'll get to that shortly), but I just want to be home already. It's a weird line. That line between getting out of my room and doing things or laying in bed watching Netflix wanting to be somewhere else. It's a very thin line, and lately I find myself straddling it.

I've been pretty lazy since my last post, but I've also been a bit of a speed demon. Haha. The day after I posted my last post, I drove down to North Carolina to help my girl, Caroline, move into her new home. On my way down, I was jamming to some music, weaving in and out of traffic, and flew right past an undercover cop. To this day, I do not believe I was going as fast as he said I was (I should have asked to see the radar), but nonetheless, I got a nice ole speeding ticket that I cannot pay, but I must show up in court to dispute. NC court that is. *face f*ing palm* I was BEYOND pissed. Like, I honked my horn at the bastard after he pulled off. He was such a turd too. I support our service men and women, military, cops, firefighters, etc., but a little kindness would be nice, people. Anyways, I've hired a lovely lawyer (gave up a leg to hire her), and I'll get to hear all about my punishment at the end of September. You can laugh too. After I got over my pissed phased, I just chuckle because this is my life, my crazy freaking life.

Since I was missing my man something fierce two weeks ago, I decided to clear my mind and go for a drive on Saturday morning. That drive took me on a nice little trip to my new favorite state, Vermont! Guys. This place is so so beautiful. I'm already planning a trip back to the Vermont mountains for a little skiing next year. Once I made it through PA, NY, and VT, I stopped for the night in New Hampshire. My host was the sweetest lady named Sandy. It was definitely a good choice. I headed out early the next morning for my next favorite state, Maine! I stopped in Kennebunkport to see the Bushes and grab a fresh lobster roll. Seriously the most adorable town ever! Of course I grabbed some souvenirs and then headed back south. I stopped again in Cape Cod after driving through some Boston traffic. After hitting all the rest of the states up there (CT, RI, NJ), I made it back to DC around 1:30am on Sunday morning. It was seriously the best spontaneous decision. I'm already planning to go back to Maine to see my girl, Abby, soon. She lives in a town called Saco, which means I'll get to hit Portland too. Booya.

This latte had maple syrup in it! And OMG it was so delicious. 
High on caffeine and sugar at this point. HA!

My spontaneous trip gave me just enough to clear my head while I waited a few more days before getting to see my man again. Wanna know a secret? It's been six months since I started dating this man, and it's been a thrilling ride. I seriously don't know how I got so lucky to find this man. He is so good for me and makes me want to be a better person. For that alone, I will always love him. Okay, enough mushy gushy *wink* I finally got to see him last weekend, I flew home and we took a little anniversary trip (yes, we're those people) to Nashville to celebrate. We found incredible seats at Rock Bottom roof top bar and got to watch all the craziness of the strip from above. We also ate at Hattie B's and let me tell you, I am forever scarred by hot chicken. You can laugh because I'm laughing as I type this. It's my own damn fault too. I ordered hot because I like spicy things, but obviously hot at Hattie B's means scarred esophagus, so... Needless to say, I will forever be a mild chicken eater. We stayed in an immaculate AirBnb in Franklin that night and visited Arrington Vineyards the next afternoon. It was a great trip with my forever man. 

So here I am, just back from dinner with my friend, Roma, sipping on wine, and once again wishing it was December. I just can't help myself. This upcoming week I start college classes again, so maybe, just maybe, I'll be too distracted to think about the timing. I am excited for fall though. I keep wearing fallish clothing in hopes that the Lord catches my drift and cools it off soon. Ha. A girl can dream. Thanks for coming back today. I know it's been a while, but I come and write and it feels like I've never left. Have a wonderful weekend! 

Save as draft.

I always find it interesting to look back on previous posts especially after having not written in a while. I'm always so taken with where my mind was when I wrote a post. It's been a little over a month since I've graced you all with my internet presence. Since my birthday, I've been home to Tennessee for the holiday, traveled to Virginia Beach to get a glimpse into my boyfriend's work, hiked almost six miles in the backwoods of Virginia, and eaten way too much McDonalds. It's been a pretty slow month, yet it's almost August, which means one less month here in D.C. My last few classes ended on the 16th of July too, so during my down time already, I've managed to finish the Bones series, read two books, and nap...a lot. In all honesty, I'm bored. Ha! I should go work out...but it's been so freaking hot and the gym is just blah. I want to take a classic Zumba class again, but there are none available around me during the hours I could go. A real bummer, but I'm already planning to sign up for one once I move back south. 

You know, it's really crazy to me that all of this is happening. In the past month and really since turning 23, I've thought a lot about how life changes so much in a year or hell even in one month and how I've changed. I am most definitely not the same girl I was four years ago when I decided to join the Navy. I've seen things, heard so many opinions, and realized how different every single person is in the world. I've met some wonderful people who I still keep in touch with today, but it's been a journey, not just across the world, but within my self. Seriously. I've seen parts of the world I never imagined I'd get to see, and I've made decisions that cut that time short and led me in a different direction. In all the tears and laughs throughout each landmark I've set foot on, every experience was leading me back here to what I've always wanted deep down in my heart after all, AND it is so overwhelming how God has given it to me in the most gracious way.

I know I've talked about this experience before, but my acceptance into the Naval Academy is something that will forever be in my heart. It's a feat getting in that institution without attending prep school especially at my age. I mean, my Dad cried when I told him I was accepted. I will forever hold onto that memory, but leaving the Naval Academy was the best decision for me. I don't think I could ever explain that to someone in words because in all honesty, I don't really know how to explain it myself. I know God put me at that institution for a reason. During that time, I wasn't very sure why God was punishing me (haha), but He had a better plan on the outside of that experience. Little did I know that what I've always wanted was closer than I realized. I realize I keep saying that and not elaborating. I'm hesitant, because I've come to realize that I am an emotional person, but that I'm also someone who sucks at verbal communication. So much for that skill on my resume *face palm* I want a family of my own, someone to share all my love with and who likes a little adventure, and a home. That's what I've always wanted. I'm just so amazed every single day that my life is where it is right now. It's overwhelming, and I can only cry happy tears and thank the Lord for blessing me more than I deserve. But that's our God, right? A gracious and giving God. 

I want to paste something below that I randomly typed out the week after my birthday. I never developed it more, but it makes me chuckle because this is literally my daily thought lately. 

'More and more I am excited for the end of my military era, and I am amazed daily at how my life has basically done a 180 thanks to one decision that will forever hold a place in my heart. I've lived in so many cities, visited more countries than I ever thought I would, and was blessed enough to suffer through a trial that had a better outcome than I could have ever imagined. At only 23 years old, I have a lot of learning to do, as evidenced by the amount of times I call my father on a weekly basis, but I'm okay with that.' 

I have a lot of mistakes to make, forgiveness to ask for, and hugs to give, but that's life. These next few months will be the closing of a great time in my life, but I am so ready for the next phase.

This is my handsome man who was a champion with a bum knee on our 5.6 mile hike. He loves me even when I look a lot ratchet. Ha. Thank you for stopping by today. I have two more weeks until fall classes start, so maybe, just maybe, I'll be back sooner rather than later ;) 

My season of waiting...

Do you ever feel lost? Not like your mom left you in Walmart as a child and all the isles look the same or taking a wrong turn and nothing looks familiar. I'm talking about that feeling of loneliness that leads to more sleep and less interaction with others. That feeling of 'no one will understand, so I'm not going to show them this side of me.' That sounds crazy as I type it, but that's the kind of stuff that goes through my mind. I feel crazy saying that. Like, what the hell is wrong with me? Is anything wrong with me? Have I made this all up in my head?? 

As I sit here procrastinating on schoolwork, my clothes finally drying, and a cup of green tea to my right, I'm just not sure about anything. I say that like my life is falling apart. It is most definitely in great shape, but my mind is another story. I have so many things just running through my head that I don't know how to differentiate them from one another. Maybe it has something to do with I live and work in the same building. I'm slowly coming to realize that it sucks to have both of those places in the same spot. There is literally no escape except in my little place, room 207. I feel like I sound like a crazy person, who needs to go see a therapist. I don't. I am just tired of being where I am. Tired of this little ole room full of crap. Tired of constantly living in packed backs. I know time is flying by, and come early December, I will finally be moving on to what I've always wanted: a home with a kitchen and *gasp* a bathtub, someone to share my love with, and steady routine of living. I'll get there, but this season of waiting has me feeling like I'm on my wits end. I'm not a broken record. I'm just an impatient 23 year old who eats way too much fast food and is looking forward to regular homemade meals. 

That's right. Today is my birthday! I'm 23 years young (because seriously, 23 is not old). I celebrated with champagne at midnight because I can, and I plan on having tacos at my favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner. I made myself a cake (always strawberry with cream cheese frosting) on Tuesday evening, and I obviously only know how to portion for more than six people, so I'm hoping my coworkers like strawberry cake. 

I'm struggling, friends. I'm lonely here, and I'm a bit lost in my own mind. Truthfully, I know that God is planning more for me than I could even fathom, but in the midst of my 2am dark room, I don't feel it. I've become a hermit, and only when I'm with those I love do I not feel so lost. Life isn't always what it seems on social media. I have more bad days than good days. Maybe that's my choice, I don't know... but I do know this, I have a lot more waiting to do, and I'm so over it. 

Courtesy of Scarlet & Gold--beautiful little shop in Auburn, AL--check them out

Maybe though, this season of waiting is supposed to teach me something. It's definitely taught me a lot about handling my finances. Ha! Seriously. I am a mega online shopper, and it is out of control. I need to find an OSA group (online shoppers anonymous). In all seriousness, God is making me wait, and even if I don't like it, and even if I'm literally stressed out 24/7, I trust Him. 

Thanks for stopping by today. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I'm heading to Charlotte tomorrow for a fun little birthday trip with my beau, so I'll check in with you all sometime next week. If you're in a season of waiting like me, be patient. God has our back. 

Dear Dad.

Today is a special day. It's a day for all the daddies out there, and one daddy in particular, mine. Unfortunately, he might never see this (unless my mom shows it to him), but I want to write it anyways. 

To my Daddy,
You are a daughter's first love. You are the example to her as to how a man should treat a woman. As the first child, much less the first daughter, my love for you has grown so much in the last twenty-three years. You've taught me patience and goodness. You are kind and faithful. You support me even when my decisions are different than your own. You have always loved me, and the older I get, the more I realize just how special that love is. This day is dedicated to father's around the world, but what does it mean to be a father? To have a child? To care for a child? To take them to ball practice? To make sure they're fed? To raise them in the Word of God? To make sure they know you always have their back? I believe that about you, Dad. From the day I was born, you've been doing all of those things. You have worked so hard to give me a life I was proud of, and you still are working hard twenty-three years later. You've given up a lot of things to give us children the greatest life, and I thank you. You've allowed Mom the freedom to be a stay at home mom, and I enjoy watching the love between you two grow each and every passing day. You give and give, and today, the least we all can do is be grateful for it. I love you, and I am so very, very thankful to have you as my Daddy. 

This photo is way old, but it will always be my favorite one! Happy Father's Day to not just my Dad, but to all the daddies in this world today. I know that there are some you who are missing your father today, but I pray that you will take peace in knowing that he is still watching over you. Thank you for stopping by today. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday. 

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